I steal the Internet from my neighbors. I've been doing it since I got here and I don't think I'm going to stop until they become wiser and turn on the security features to their wireless router. Of course, I have considered the possibility of having falling into a horrible trap. Open wireless networks, I'm pretty sure, are like open windows. It's safe to assume that if I look out the window and see a lonely drunk Japanese man touching himself on the sidewalk next to the elementary school, chances are he can see me too if he takes the time to look. How can an unsecured wireless network be any different? Perhaps my neighbors are villainous computer hackers and have already accessed all my personal banking information, stolen my identity, and took the time to peruse my porn collection, allowing them to pinpoint my personal preferences in smuttery and potentially hold this information over my head in a cruel, yakuza-esque blackmail scheme?

I can see the headlines now.

Gaijin entwined in blackmail scandal; Authorities seize largest pornography collection this side of the Pacific.

Well, it probably wouldn't be seized. It not that offensive...

But until the cops come a'knockin, I'm going to keep stealing this wonderful Interweb and pray that my neighbors are just dumb and oblivious and can't read English and have no interest in my bank account or my porno.